I had a friend from high school pass away last year. He was my friend on Facebook. No one ever went in to delete his Facebook account so every time I went to give gifts to my peeps in Farmville, his name would be there. I would give gifts to everybody but skip his name. Finally, two days ago, I decided that I need to delete the deceased as my friend, because I don't want to be sad and reminded of mortality every time I give out gifts on Farmville. So, I go to the deceased page, and there is a whole memorial page to him. He still has 450 friends and many of them are posting memories about him and leaving messages on his page like he is still reading them. I hesitate, does it make me a cold b%&$# to delete him as a friend? Am I less caring than the other 449 friends? I decide no, I don't need an online memorial to honor someone who passed. In fact, I think it is a little morbid. I am getting to the age where I have a friend pass about every year. So, in 20 years, I would have 20 deceased friends on Facebook at this pace. How depressing is that. At what point would you have more deceased friends than living friends?
Is this going to get to a point that a portion of all the pages on the internet will become memorials? I see memorial decals on cars all the time and I think that is a little out there....is the internet next? How many memorial pages do you know about? When I googled "Memorial Websites" 487,000 listing came up and the top ones were for companies that will set up memorial websites for your loved ones. At one point will the internet be populated more by the deceased? What is your take on this whole thing?
*11/19/2010 -I just received the following in an email:
In honor of our lost comrades, FIT Aviation has created a memorial website for those who would like to share memories, photos, thoughts, or comments for Jordyn, Kristopher, Jenny, and Kyle. Please share with anyone who you think would be interested. The website is http://memorial.fitaviation.com/.
A little like the roadside memorials on the highway, except creepier. I've been to three funerals since Sept. The memorials don't wig me out, it's the facebook, linkedin pages that are still up and running. Too freaky. I wrote blog about it, but still to emotional to hit publish. will have to do so soon, as people keep dying... sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteWe all memorialize in our own way.. There is no set rule.. Delete him if u wish, what's the worst that can happen? Will people come to your page and bash you? If they do, delete/block them..Life is too short to sweat the small stuff... sorry for the trite saying but, its true.
ReplyDeleteIt is a little different for everyone and I think it also depends on how special they are to you. If it were a family member, of course, I would memorialize the page. But my sister's boyfriend was killed (who I did not like anyway) and I didn't feel bad at all deleting him!
ReplyDeleteI agree. It's kinda morbid. After all, it's not like the deceased are going to be checking their facebook memorial pages to make sure they are still loved. At this point, I think they've gone past the point of caring. Also, it seems a little too much like the people that keep it up are just holding on to them and not letting go.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really sure how I feel about it. I guess that a memorial for a while would be fine but I know I'd be freaked out if one of my deceased friends kept coming up online!!
ReplyDeleteI think there's a time for these but then after a month or two when the wounds start to heal it's time to move on. Deleting their facebook account from your page doesn't mean you didn't love them or don't miss them but it's definitely the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteWow - as someone who is not on facebook, I didn't know this was happening!
ReplyDeleteI do think there are places for memorial websites. Like if someone died from cancer and then a fund was set up to help cancer research.
I also wrote memorial posts for the people and pets who passed away in the past year on my blog.
I agree with Baglady - I don't think you deleting them means you love them less. but I also think somepeople need that kind of memorial page to grieve?
487 THOUSAND? Man, I have to agree - I did a one-page memorial to my mom on MY website after she passed so her friends could go read it. That's it. I kind of agree with you - it's a bit morbid when they're no longer there!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my site & commenting! I appreciate it.
I hadn't really thought about that. I know of a few tribute pages. My friend's friend Christine (who I knew of from myspace & only met once) was murdered by her husband 3 years ago. Her death anni is actually coming up on the 20th. But anyway, it is sad to think of having so many dead friends eventually. My Dad is 73 & seems like he's always going to a wake.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog:) I enjoyed your "about" page. We have countless family pics with my youngest looking very unhappy to be there! And at 47, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up either!
ReplyDeleteFB is certainly changing the world. Amazing, isn't it? How did we ever live our lives before we had the internet!!?
Hmm, I never thought about this.
ReplyDeleteI think it's nice to leave a memorial page up for a period of time... but it has to come down eventually. A month seems appropriate.
Wow. I never thought about the internet being populated by dead people. That's actually kind of a fascinating concept. Morbidly speaking.
ReplyDeleteAs for how it affects you: 1.) I'm sorry for
your loss. 2.) I certainly wouldn't feel guilty for deleting him as a friend. If people need that page to help him grieve, that's fine for him. But if it's not helping you, it's perfectly acceptable to move to the next stage and let him go.
This may seem ironic but I find facebook super impersonal and fake at times. Blogging is a little different. I feel like blogs are a lot more personal and I get to know the writers through blogging. Facebook can be really flashy and showy. It's like, "Look at us, see how good we are by remembering the deceased." It's kind of weird. I'm with you, you don't need an internet page to remind you of a loved one.
ReplyDelete