Okay, I am needing some advice. I know some of you have gone through this before, so let me know how I should handle this situation:
Background:
* I have a 14 year old son (oldest kid) who goes to a day military school. He makes good grades, is playing varsity baseball, and seems motivated to succeed this year. In the past we have had problems with motivation. He is also a people magnet. Somehow kids (teens) flock to him and at a former school this was a problem because teachers wanted to use him as "an example" since he was popular.
* Lets just say that calling my ex egotistical is an understatement. He is the father of both my kids.
* My boyfriend, John, and I have been together for almost 9 years (not getting married). My daughter has him wrapped around her finger. John has two boys (men ages 20 & 25), therefore he has already raised boys and takes a been there done that attitude with my son.
Okay, here is what I am facing. John is driving me crazy. Every little thing that my son does, or doesn't do is put under a microscope by John and critisized. Also, my son is developing an ego (not severe) and John wants to crush it saying that he does not want my son to become like his father (my ex). I think that a certain amount of ego is acceptable. If I tell my son to do anything and my son just says "okay" or does not do it immediately, John jumps in and starts threatening punishiment. John wants my son to reply to me with a "yes, mam", though I do not demand that or even want that. Let me mention that when my daughter commits the same kind of so called infractions, John does nothing about it.
I think that John for whatever reason is trying to establish his alpha male role here. I think he is going way overboard. Anyway, I am curious, do biological fathers do this with their sons too? And how should I handle this. Let me mention that John is overly sensitive to anything I critisize. I hate having to handle things with kid gloves, but I need to put a stop to this, but I am not sure how. Any advice?
Oh the joy of step-like relationships, the fun never ends.....
I don't have older kids so I'm of no help. But I do wonder if John had any experiences like these with his own boys and he's worried that your son is headed that same way?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I'd be unhappy about his attitude toward my kid. At the same time, if you've been together 9 years, he probably knows your son pretty well, right? At any rate, you need to be able to talk to him about it. My hubby gets really sensitive whenever he perceives I might be criticizing also, so I have to start things like this with....."can I talk to you about something please, without you getting all upset about me criticizing? I'm not criticizing but it's bothering me so I need to talk about it"
ReplyDeleteHe's 14...not 20. And in military school. If respectful at home, unhsb should leave it at that. Polite and mutually respectful. Take unhusband out for dinner and tell him exactly what you want. And take son out too, and let him know you're committed to unhusband, and committed to son. He needs to know where he fits in. ugh. good luck.
ReplyDelete